Saturday 16 January 2010

Reffing disgrace

I thought referrals were supposed to do away with umpiring controversy and howlers, so quite how we’ve managed to get into this fine mess is beyond most men... but not Daryl.

There’s no surprise Mr Harper’s the man at the centre of the fuss, he’s a poor umpire, one of – if not the single - worst I can remember seeing. If as suggested he didn’t give the decision today because he didn’t have the volume turned up then it’s a dereliction of duty that should mean the end of his umpiring career. It’s simply just not good enough.
  • I’m not convinced by them yet, but if we’re going to have referrals there needs to be uniformity. Several times on this tour bowling sides have been convinced they’ve had a batsman caught behind, only for it to be all but impossible to give them out on review without snicko or hotspot. The host broadcasters have said they’re not paying for it, but that doesn’t wash. Referrals are an ICC initiative if they want in they’re simply going to have to stump up for it. End of.
  • I don’t blame Smith in this one, he’s brilliant in those match / series / career defining moments, and batted superbly. Don’t think for a moment anyone in the England team would have walked in the same scenario.
  • One of my biggest problems with the referral system is I think it offers a safety net for umpires, but it makes them weak. It’s easier in tight situations to take the easy way, give the batsman the benefit of the doubt and leave it up to the bowling side to appeal if they’re convinced it’s a stinker. The finality of it means it always looks worse giving a batsman out erroneously than letting him get away with one. Subconsciously or not I think its emaciating umpires.
  • On that note, the on field umpire seems to be avoiding all the flack here. He gets the decision right in the first place and the issue ends there.
  • I fully back the team England move to officially complain, it was so wrong at such an important time in the series and we need answers, although whatever the outcome of the complaint it isn’t going to change that SA – weather permitting, are now on the brink of levelling the series.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Scrappers XI


In celebration of England’s backs to the wall performance at Centurion last week, I’ve pulled together an XI of scrappers, those tough competitors whose success owes more to the size of their bollocks than the size of their talent.


They might not be great to watch, but they wouldn't lose many!


Michael Atherton
As England head towards the Wanderers, thoughts turn towards Athers’ greatest ever moment, his epic test-match saving slog against the best that South Africa could throw at him – 643 minutes, 185 not out. A marathon effort, but not out of character for an England captain that spent years battling against a bad back, and a worse supporting cast.


David Steel
Famously brought into the England test side to face the might of the West Indies and Australia pace attacks (Lillee, Thompson, Holding, Roberts et al) – grey hair and spectacles and aged, he withstood 90mph blows to all parts of the body as he fought tooth and nail in many a hopeless cause.



Alan Border
The man who started it all, until Border came along test series against the Aussies used to be closely thought affairs, then this miserable bugger came along. He captained the 1989 side that came to England to regain the Ashes – pilloried as the weakest Australia side to hit these shores, Border eschewed the traditional social side of the contest, he didn’t want to be friends with England. They ended up marmalising us and we didn’t see the Ashes again until 2005. He was also as tough as teak to get out.


Paul Collingwood
Three times in a year he’s fought his heart out to scrape a draw in tests against rampant Australia and South Africa sides. Colly only really seems to get going when the going gets tough, a proud Englishman and a hell of a reassuring presence in any middle order. A man you’d want by your side in the trenches.


Steve Waugh (captain)
Maybe the ultimate competitor. As Australian as they come and as hard any nails – whereas his brother Mark scored beautiful runs, Steve epitomised grit, ruthlessness and an unquenchable desire to win, he came to life in pressure situations and scored the big runs when his team needed it most. As an Englishman if we ever had the old enemy in trouble it was a sickening sight to see him walking out to bat in that bloody green hat.


Shiv Chanderpaul
About as attractive as leprosy, Shiv’s not a man for the purist. It’s not that he’s got a bad technique, it’s just that it looks dreadful. He’s blessed with a great eye, the patience of a saint and a succession of accommodatingly flimsy West Indies batting line ups enabling him to display his limpet like qualities. He seems to bat for weeks on end without even looking like getting out in 2007.



Jack Russell
Another ugly looking batsman, but a contrary bastard who’d drive a succession of bowlers crazy by appearing to play at the ball before dragging the bat away at the very last second... then nudging the ball into previously uncharted territories for yet another scrappy run. Finished his career by building a hugely successful Gloucestershire side in his own idiosyncratic image.


Paul Harris
The spinner was nearly the King of Spain, but Paul Harris just nicks it in the battle of twirlers without any discernable ability. Never knowingly turned a page, he’s built a career on being so innocuous that good batsmen (hello KP!) find ways to get out to him falling over themselves to knock him out of the ground. He’s also made the most of his limited ability with the bat to make himself an obdurate tailender and useful night watchman.



Darren Gough
Captain calls down to Gough; “One more over Dazzler?” No matter what time of day, no matter what kind of beating he was on the wrong end of, there was only ever one answer to that question with Goughie. A bit more natural ability than some of those on the list, it’s a bit of a cliché but the man’s got a heart the size of house.


Courtenay Walsh
It’s harder to pick bowlers than batsmen for this team, they don’t quite lend themselves to scrapping in the same way. But Walshy was one of those great bowlers who never stopped competing, and wrung every single wicket out of his long career. Not as talented or as quick as some of his contemporaries he ended up taking more test match wickets (519 @ less than 25) than any of them through guts, intelligence and no little skill.



Merv Hughes
Possibly the most Australian man ever. I still don’t know how big bad Merv took so many wickets – 212 in tests. Big, dumb, and overweight it must have had something to do with heart as it sure as hell wasn’t down to class.


Thursday 7 January 2010

I never really called for Colly to be dropped. Honest!

Feeling inspired by the boys today to get this baby up and running again... was away during the summer so missed all of the ashes action and it’s taken a while to get back but here goes.

Where to start from the latest test? Couldn’t happen to a nicer set of blokes than the South African team, but they must be scarcely able to believe that they’re 1-0 down after dominating two out of the three tests, but if we know one thing about this England side under Strauss and Flower it’s that they’re bloody difficult to beat.

Being tough to breakdown is the first step to building a successful side in any team sport – ask George Graham – and lots of credit must go to the two Andy’s.

But they weren’t the heroes of the day – step forward Colly & Belly. It was an epic partnership of proper, old fashioned, test match batting of the sort that the experts keep telling us people can’t play any more. Well here it was in glorious tehnicolour.

It was just the type of performance that we’ve come to expect from Collingwood – he keeps living up to and beyond all those ‘nuggety scrapper’ stereotypes. There probably isn’t anyone in the world you’d rather see making his way out to the crease in a tight spot. But Bell was a revelation. Fourth innings, pressure cooker, a game to save and the last front line batsman – it was a recipe for another typically meek dismissal. But not this time. It’s too early to draw any firm conclusions but his 78 (213 balls) here was worth double the 140 he scored in the second test, and taking all factors into account Bell’s best and most important innings for England.

Hat’s off to them both, as well as Onions for seeing out the final few overs for the second time in three tests.


So what’s next?

England will go into the final test thinking they’re unbeatable, and the Saffers might just agree with them after this one. I think we’ll hang on to win the series now. But it won’t be easy. It’s a brilliant test series, one that if it was England vs. Australia would be getting the plaudits up there with the last two home Ashes series.